I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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