Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
