The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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