can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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