Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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