i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
