Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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