I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
