everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
