if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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