dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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