ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
