I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
