well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
