the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Princesses don't give blow jobs
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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