Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
