I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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