Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
