i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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