Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
