"it" just moved
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
