What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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