"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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