There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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