I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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