im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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