she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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