cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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