I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
