I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
