And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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