im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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