and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
