new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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