i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
