Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
