here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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