my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I smell like Dick and happiness
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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