According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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