There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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