does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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