Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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