Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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