So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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