Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
