I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
