You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
