Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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