So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there's paper in my vomit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
