When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize