The maid of honor just puked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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