My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
